Kids are stupid.
In fact I would say that there’s a direct correlation between how young someone is and how stupid they are, which would leave “Dora the Explorer”s target audience mentally on par with the mould that grows inside discarded take away boxes after a few days.
This taken into account, the following video is about as dangerous as a vitamin pill wrapped in 8 feet of cotton wool, no matter what the videos creator would have you believe.
Even if you ignore the fact that the chances of some drooling four year old possessing the technological know how needed to rip this video off the television, upload it onto their computers and then reverse the bloody thing are about as slim as finding Atlantis under your sink, the videos reversed (and completely interpreted) content is more confusing than threatening.
“Hold Your Sweater Up, Tear off your Tea” admittedly has some sexual orientated mildly pedophilic inclinations, but could someone please point out what in Gods name “well need some food”, “A La Nocha Moon” and “well slave olive your oysters why say it do doo do doo doo doo” means and exactly why this makes Dora the Explorer evil?
Of course they can’t, which leads me to the conclusion that this video is clearly just jumping on the reversed message band wagon and trying to draw in an audience by milking it for every bit of controversy possible.
It also leads me to the conclusion, that this video is just another ridiculous waste of webspace.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGoeHsK8lUg
Sunday 3 May 2009
Sunday 15 March 2009
Angry Old Lady
In my humble opinion, this is one of the greatest videos the internet has to offer.
On the surface it may just look like an old lady, rightfully furious about having a lemon thrown through her window after a run of apparently largely influential Tango adds, however if you look at the subtext, ‘Angry Old Lady’ says a lot about exaggeration in the elderly.
Lets face it, that would have to have been one hell of a throw for a lemon (albeit a very large one) to smash everything that she possessed and unless biblical giant Goliath has taken up petty crime, it’s unlikely that the offending fruit could be described as “deadly”. None the less, this woman is prepared to make such wild claims knowing full well she is on camera and that the lies she is telling have the potential to be kept on record forever, and truth be told, I admire her for it.
On the surface it may just look like an old lady, rightfully furious about having a lemon thrown through her window after a run of apparently largely influential Tango adds, however if you look at the subtext, ‘Angry Old Lady’ says a lot about exaggeration in the elderly.
Lets face it, that would have to have been one hell of a throw for a lemon (albeit a very large one) to smash everything that she possessed and unless biblical giant Goliath has taken up petty crime, it’s unlikely that the offending fruit could be described as “deadly”. None the less, this woman is prepared to make such wild claims knowing full well she is on camera and that the lies she is telling have the potential to be kept on record forever, and truth be told, I admire her for it.
Thursday 5 March 2009
Penknifelovelife
What do you get when a you cross indistinguishable pixilated footage with audio quality that might as well have been recorded from inside a jet engine?
“The video below” is unfortunately the punch line for that little joke.
What shaolincassanova was thinking when he was uploading this tosh to the internet is beyond me but I can imagine it was something along the lines of ‘Well, you can’t hear anything, and you can’t really see anything, but surely people will enjoy this anyway!’
No, Mr Shaolincassinova, they won’t. You wouldn’t make a sandwich only to find some scallywag has vomited all over it and think ‘well, I’ve made it, I have to eat it now’, would you?
Just because it’s been made, doesn’t mean that you have to use it, some videos are better off deleted as in the long run, all your doing is taking up precious internet space and diluting peoples search results like some miserable orange drink, and who would want to drink miserable squash? Goths, that’s who.
“The video below” is unfortunately the punch line for that little joke.
What shaolincassanova was thinking when he was uploading this tosh to the internet is beyond me but I can imagine it was something along the lines of ‘Well, you can’t hear anything, and you can’t really see anything, but surely people will enjoy this anyway!’
No, Mr Shaolincassinova, they won’t. You wouldn’t make a sandwich only to find some scallywag has vomited all over it and think ‘well, I’ve made it, I have to eat it now’, would you?
Just because it’s been made, doesn’t mean that you have to use it, some videos are better off deleted as in the long run, all your doing is taking up precious internet space and diluting peoples search results like some miserable orange drink, and who would want to drink miserable squash? Goths, that’s who.
Tuesday 3 March 2009
2 Girls 1 Cup: The Crazy Reaction
During one of my all too frequent breaks from university I found myself drawn to the vast wastes of youtube, only to find that for some reason, the website thinks it knows me well enough to recommend videos that may appeal to me. Well youtube let me just say, you were way off.
Below is one of the worst videos I’ve ever seen in my life, on youtube or otherwise, and I cant for the life of me see why this video equivalent of decomposing fecal matter has had nearly four million views and has an overall rating of 4.5 stars after twenty seven thousand votes. Please if anyone has any idea why this is let me know as this is an answer that has alluded me for some time.
Visually, this video can only be described as appalling. If the people responsible for youtube knew that their labour of love was being used to showcase some pug faced chop top with eyes that look like they’ve been sewn onto him as an afterthought, gurning his rubbery features into rage inducing shapes , they would more than likely be spinning in their graves, if they were dead that is.
On top of that, the subject matter is enough to inspire tooth grinding to such an extent that at the end of this two minute clip, all that will be left in your mouth is a powdery mash mixed together with the blood from your lacerated gums, however it’s likely that any pain felt will be a welcome relief from concentrating on this idiot. Clearly a video that has been made by a man that’s spent too much time watching people watching people pooping on one another’s faces, this has to be the lowest form of pastiche on the internet at the moment.
Then there’s what makemebad35 has to say right before he pisses his dignity away all over our computer screens.
“Hey Guys, I really wasn’t gonna make this video but it’s finals week and I’m going on vacation, so I’ll be pretty busy and there’s gonna be a big gap between video making so I figured I’d throw this video out”.
Not once in that entire sentence does he justify why he has inflicted his button eyes onto the world. In fact he goes so far as to say that he wasn’t going to make the thing in the first place, yet here it is, hitting me in the face like some hideous pair of soiled underpants. Am I supposed to believe that someone held a gun to his head and made him do it?
Absolutely not, no one on the planet could possibly have the tolerance to have this guy in front of the business end of a gun and not pull the trigger. Anyone capable of that would be the real crazy one, not the elastic mouthed prat that we have here.
Below is one of the worst videos I’ve ever seen in my life, on youtube or otherwise, and I cant for the life of me see why this video equivalent of decomposing fecal matter has had nearly four million views and has an overall rating of 4.5 stars after twenty seven thousand votes. Please if anyone has any idea why this is let me know as this is an answer that has alluded me for some time.
Visually, this video can only be described as appalling. If the people responsible for youtube knew that their labour of love was being used to showcase some pug faced chop top with eyes that look like they’ve been sewn onto him as an afterthought, gurning his rubbery features into rage inducing shapes , they would more than likely be spinning in their graves, if they were dead that is.
On top of that, the subject matter is enough to inspire tooth grinding to such an extent that at the end of this two minute clip, all that will be left in your mouth is a powdery mash mixed together with the blood from your lacerated gums, however it’s likely that any pain felt will be a welcome relief from concentrating on this idiot. Clearly a video that has been made by a man that’s spent too much time watching people watching people pooping on one another’s faces, this has to be the lowest form of pastiche on the internet at the moment.
Then there’s what makemebad35 has to say right before he pisses his dignity away all over our computer screens.
“Hey Guys, I really wasn’t gonna make this video but it’s finals week and I’m going on vacation, so I’ll be pretty busy and there’s gonna be a big gap between video making so I figured I’d throw this video out”.
Not once in that entire sentence does he justify why he has inflicted his button eyes onto the world. In fact he goes so far as to say that he wasn’t going to make the thing in the first place, yet here it is, hitting me in the face like some hideous pair of soiled underpants. Am I supposed to believe that someone held a gun to his head and made him do it?
Absolutely not, no one on the planet could possibly have the tolerance to have this guy in front of the business end of a gun and not pull the trigger. Anyone capable of that would be the real crazy one, not the elastic mouthed prat that we have here.
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